As I am presently in northern Kentucky visiting with my parents-in-law, it is my pleasure to introduce my special guest blogger today: Jamie Justice Yost. She reads my blog religiously and takes it very seriously. And literally. If parody is the sincerest form of flattery, I’ve got it made. Read on for Jamie’s unique take on decorating:
Jamieâ€™s Guide to Decorating a la Kristie Barnett
Feathering Your Nest: Literally
|Kristie often runs blogs under the heading â€œFeathering Your Nest.â€ Iâ€™ve decided to take it literally. I recently took to a bedding store with a ski mask, a garbage bag, and a large pair of scissors. Using moves only known in circles of ninjas, I collected enough down from various pillows that I have more than enough to completely coat the inside of my bathtub in feathers. Itâ€™s a nice surprise for my overnight guests and it offers a nice, fluffy respite from a hard dayâ€™s work.|
|Unfortunately, my â€œbaths by candlelightâ€ have become a bit of a fire hazard, as I found out after settling in for an evening of bubbles, pinot noir, and the entire collected works of Kathy Ireland. Another â€œtip from experienceâ€ I can give is to aim for feathers from non-water-habitable fowls, as I found the water slid right off the duck feathers and
straight into my bidet.
Inspiring Design: Lady GaGa Style
|Anyone can go to House Beautiful or Better Homes & Gardens and get ideas for decorating, but I prefer to get my inspiration from less-than-traditional sources. Lady GaGa is a veritable wealth of easy-to-implement ideas for the home. For instance, I used this picture to inspire the design of my kitchen. I simply took balloons leftover from my nieceâ€™s birthday party and adhered them to the walls to create a style I like to call â€œGaga-Ism.â€|
Iâ€™ve found that the balloons add a layer of texture to the walls that is refined yet unpredictable. It is also a bit playful, as the combined effect makes my kitchen look like a midway game from the county fair. The only drawback to this technique is that Iâ€™ve had to stop my practice of preparing pineapples by randomly throwing knives at it
until the skin falls off. Regardless, that is why Kroger invented pre-cut pineapples and I now sing along with â€œAlejandroâ€ with a smile on my face and a smirk in my heart.
|Other sources of inspiration are Prince, Elton John, and Tanya Tucker (the early years.) I bet youâ€™re not laughing at my fringed lamps and bedazzled mantle now, are you?
Seasonal Styling: Decorations with Motors
|Who says inflatable Christmas decorations only have to sit in your yard and slowly deflate throughout the day during the months of October â€“ February? I simply stole my neighborâ€™s wobbling snowman and blew it up in my living room. It makes a comfy place to kick back at the end of the day and watch some TV and it keeps out annoying door-to-door salesmen. After it deflates, just spray it with some cooking spray and use it as a slip-n-slide, upstairs hallway style. Who says decorations canâ€™t be multi-functional?|
|While Iâ€™m on the idea of yard decorations, Iâ€™m sure some of you have seen the infamous â€œEaster Egg Treesâ€ dotting trailer parks near you. After someone stole all of the eggs out of my tree (who steals holiday decorations?) I came up with an easy solution. I dyed my cats green and hung Easter eggs off of their ears and tails. Now my version of these trees not only moves, but itâ€™s much more huggable. Suck on that, Easter egg thieves.|
Object of Desire: Toilet Coffee Mug
|I found this amazing mug while perusing the Harriet Carter catalog and simply had to have it. Now Iâ€™m sipping my morning cup of joe in style and no one can pretend to not know this is MY coffee cup. Iâ€™m now also working on a line of toilets that are shaped like coffee mugs for my new line to be featured soon at an IKEA near you! For your very own masterpiece de caffeine, visit www.stuffinsanepeoplebuy.com.|
Party Proposals: White Trash Bash
Oh, the wealth of theme party ideas I have gleaned from this blog! Just last year I hosted my very own “White Trash Bash 2009.” I created a Redneck Fondue station by using a bird bath as a ranch dressing fountain complete with carrots, celery, and beef jerky to be dipped into the nectar of the rednecks.
| I also used a Twister mat as a tablecloth, decorated with purloined (that means stolen) plastic flamingoes, and I finally got to use the tires in my yard as extra seating for my guests. Party attendees were given their own brown bags to decorate and subsequently use as drink holders, which is a cheap and easy arts-n-crafts project that can double as a party favor. Jeff Foxworthy literature was given as the award for best costume, which really wasnâ€™t a contest since I quite obviously won.
Collective Soul: Turn of the Century Feather Dusters
|Keeping Kristieâ€™s love of vignettes in mind, I wanted to create a special place in my home for my collection of antique cleaning utensils. Keeping them in the closet seemed silly, so I decided to bring them out for the enjoyment of others.|
|I was able to create a comforter for my guest room out of the feather dusters, and I used several sponges I gleaned from the Salvation Army dumpster to create absorbent, yet stylish, flooring in my bathroom. Now when the water splashes off my duck-feathered bathtub, clean-up is a breeze!
I hope that you can take some of these hints and implement them into your own home. If you would like to contact me directly concerning any decorating problems you may be experiencing in your soon-to-be-stylish abode, feel free to e-mail me at [email protected] Thanks for reading!
Thank you, Jamie. You TOTALLY made my day. 🙂 KB
too funny and wierd! like this Jamie girl
Good to read some fun Jamie musings again. I miss the old Facebook daily doses! Have a great trip, Kristie!
Reminds me of the published parodies of Martha Stewart. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, you know. Kristie, I believe you have arrived.
It’s nice to have something to laugh about in this impossible summer heat. Good going, kiddo! I guess we’ll keep you! Mom
I like this guest blog almost as much as I like Unhappy Hipsters blog! too funny!!
Found this site on StumbleUpon, and I just wanted to say thanks for the info!
Glad you enjoyed my photo of our chicken feathers. I would appreciate it if you could make a clickable photo credit linking to my web site under the photo:
©Walter Jeffries SugarMtnFarm.com
Sugar Mountain Farm
Pastured Pigs in Vermont
Walter, the link is at the end of the article.